Family defined

How do you define family? I looked up the definition of family and most traditional definitions included the necessity of ancestral heritage involving parents and children of the same lineage living in a group. I did find this definition though, "Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place." Notice this definition yielded no ancestral heritage. I say all of this because I met the most amazing family this past week at work. 

I was introduced to such the family when an 86 yr old woman whom lived the life that we all wish we could live, came into the hospital after showing signs of a stroke. She married young, lived a great life, unfortunately couldn't have children but was blessed with great friends and family that she created. A young lady that sat vigilantly at her bedside was her medical power of attorney, whom was not her daughter. Monica was a Columbian lady that got to know Betty through Betty's best friend whom was Monica's American mother. When that lady passed, Monica became very close to Betty and they have been inseparable ever since. The love of Betty's life, Norman, passed away 5 years ago and it was said that it broke Betty's spirit when he passed. While she was still a vibrant interactive lady, she was never the same. Three years ago, Betty needed some assistance and with the urging of her friends and siblings, she moved into an assisted living facility and thrived from day one. She kept a busy schedule. Monica moved into Betty's empty house and got a housemate named Peter, whom was also one of Betty's good friends. Monica is probably in her late thirties-early forties and Peter is in his early sixties with a steady girlfriend. Monica and Peter live on separate floors and live separate lives, but came together on the one issue that they absolutely adored Betty. Monica would pick up Betty every Friday and bring her home for the weekend and would return her to the facility on Sunday. Peter would pick Betty and another lady up from the facility up every Wednesday and would go to lunch and a movie. Every Thursday Betty would play cards with a group of ladies. Betty was a vibrant 86 yr old. 

Betty was found on a Sunday morning by an aid with a facial droop, right sided weakness, and the inability to speak. Strokes are scary because they can happen without warning for a multitude of reasons. While strokes are terrible to see, the amazing thing about them is that with early intervention, usually within the first 24-48 hrs function that was lost with the stroke,  will show signs of returning, if it is going to. Not to be a Debbie downer, but Betty regained decent function of her right leg, some function in her right arm but did not regain the ability to speak or swallow again. So this was a moment where this random collection of "family" but not blood related members were forced to delve into what Betty had requested in her healthcare papers should this moment ever arise. The love, laughter, and unyielding support that every nurse, doctor, tech, and social worker felt in that room when they walked in was overpowering! It was a joy to see.  Peter and Monica were both always at her side, comforting and encouraging her to get better. They brought in pictures to make her smile and there was always a roomful of visitors laughing and cutting up. 

So while not everyone has children or blood related relatives close by, one can only hope that we will have a "family" like Betty's that will be there for us. I know that back home in KY, I very much have "family" that will always be there for me! For that I am incredibly grateful! 

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Some Patient's Just Hit Closer to Home

When I started nursing, I was young and very lucky in that I had experienced very little loss in my life. This was advantageous in that I was easily able to distance myself from the personal loss that the families of the patients that I was caring for, were experiencing. I saw then that it was advantageous. I now see that perhaps I was lacking a level of compassion that I possibly could have provided. I have said before that there are situations in nursing and patients that sort of hit you harder than others for one reason or another.

This past week I cared for a physician that was an amazingly nice man. I tend to level the playing field when I care for my patients. While I agree that MD's deserve respect for the hard work that they endured to achieve their doctorate status, as a patient, they can sometimes be turds and sometimes don't deem the respect that they feel that they deserve. So, wrong or right, until they earn my respect, they are Mr. or Mrs. so and so. Regardless of their status, I will give them the same level of care that I am providing for the gentleman next door that just happens to be homeless. This gentleman reminded me a lot of my father, as he worked relentless hours meeting the needs of others up until the day that his health jolted him into paying it some much needed attention. This gentleman had open heart surgery, had a pretty bumpy post op course, and needed some pretty extensive rehab post op. So he left our unit and went to an inpatient rehab facility. Took me back to my dad's two stints in rehab where he became everyone's favorite. This all makes me think of a quote that I recently saw, I believe on facebook, that "Inside every old person, is a young person that is wondering what the hell happened." I love that quote, because I do often see individuals in very poor condition and wonder if when they were my age, if they ever considered the consequences of their actions further down the road. This all makes me want to increase my exercise regimen and eat even healthier.

Another patient that I cared for was a gentleman that spoke no English at all. Luckily his children spoke English. I had this gentleman post op OH and I was trying to get the breathing tube out of him, but every time we woke him up to see if he would breathe with the breathing tube out, he completely wigged out and would drop his pressure into the toilet. This was with his two daughters at the bedside speaking his language trying to calm him down and soothe him. Usually, when we are doing this with patient's, the family is not in the room, as it is extremely difficult for families to see their loved one with the breathing tube in and very uncomfortable. This gentleman hit me because, much like my father, he was a man that never really had any surgery and was always self sufficient. This gentleman's daughters were so good with him and extremely implemental in helping this gentleman understand what was going on. I could see though, that seeing their father in this condition was tearing at the heartstrings of these women. I was trying to reassure them that their father was doing fine, that he was just waking up out of anesthesia a little rougher than some. Then I found myself, trying to put myself in their shoes and wondering how I would have handled seeing my father in that shape. I know that if I had been in my nursing mode, I could have totally handled it, but the second I slipped into the daughter mode, I would have lost it. For the record, we were able to get this gentleman off of the ventilator eventually using the Dr. Brueggemann, a pulmonologist that I worked with in Cincinnati, OH, "pull and pray" method. This method is pretty much, wake them up and once they are thrashing around enough that they could pull the tube themselves, you pull the tube out and pray that you don't have to put it back in. He is doing just fine after surgery now. How scary it must be though, to have a major surgery such as open heart surgery and not be able to communicate with those taking care of you.

I continue to say that the losses that I have had since I started nursing, the loss of two of the most amazing grandparents I could have ever had and the loss of my father, continue to help me be a better nurse each and every day. While it was easier to distance myself from the loss that families were feeling, the importance of understanding the level of the loss and emotions that they are enduring is vital.