I took care of a 67 yr old man that came in talking and quite awake and seemed like a very vibrant man that had an aortic dissection. For those reading that are not medical, this is often a result of an aneurysm (an enlargement of the vessel wall of an artery) that weakens to the point that the artery wall tears and if not caught and corrected immediately it is fatal. In the medical world, we say, aneurysms are stable until they aren't. This gentleman was a second generation Italian man that had done very well for himself and his family. He was married and had two loving daughters. This gentleman survived surgery and unfortunately had some post operative complications which proved too much for him.
I always said that my job was much easier before I personally experienced death of a family member on a personal level. I could definitely sympathize with the families, but I could never truly empathize with them. This gentleman had a daughter that was obviously very close to him. We were at a point medically where clearly there was nothing else to be done for this gentleman and we were merely waiting for the family to comes to terms with letting their loved one go. I have experienced families that selfishly will not let someone go because they can't bear the thought of their loss, though they very much know the patient is suffering. It is truly a selfless act to love someone so much to let them go for their sake. I didn't say this was easy.
My patient was still technically a full code, meaning if his heart were to stop I was to restart it with medications and compressions, I was to continue to titrate medications to keep his blood pressure at a certain number, and I was to treat him as if his condition were not terminal. The next four hours were possibly the most gut wrenching hours of my life.
As I mentioned above, the patient was still a full code, so I was in and out his room constantly monitoring his vital signs and hanging different medications pertinent to his care. The family was all in agreement that is was time to say goodbye with the exception of the youngest daughter whom was a daddy's girl. This young lady was probably in her early thirties and could not bear the thought of life without her dad. She was reliving childhood memory after childhood memory with her dad as he lay there. This gentleman was on a ventilator, so he could not speak and was not waking up to stimulation. Science says that hearing is the last thing to go, so I always encourage loved ones to talk to them. She stated that she hadn't yet had children because she feared that she was incapable of raising her children as well as he and her mother had. She relived a time that her father took her to NYC, just the two of them and they went out to dinner at a fancy restaurant and to a Broadway play, because he wanted to set the standard for how a woman deserved to be treated by a man. And that she should expect no less. The stories went on and on. These gut wrenching moments were followed by calls from family and friends that the wife placed on speaker phone and the individuals one by one were speaking to this gentleman professing how great of a man he was and how much he was loved and different individuals that they would like him to say hello to once he was in Heaven.
I have been a nurse for 11 years now, and I have never experienced such a gut wrenching goodbye. It was obvious that this gentleman was truly a great individual and would be sorely missed.
As if experiencing this tough goodbye wasn't enough, in a way it took me back to the final hours with my dad. A few flashbacks and made me oh so thankful that he was able to pass away at home and didn't have to be in the hospital in his final days. Even after tough days, I am often able to shake it and not take my work home. This patient and family really hit a sensitive spot with me. I sobbed my whole drive home and was quite melancholy and in disbelief that my dad was actually gone. He was such an amazing man!
I have been incredibly fortunate to have several dreams of my dad. It is always great to see him, even when it is only in a dream.
I just started my extension here in Va and I am loving the weather and I am in full swing training for my Ireland bike trip. I leave for Ireland on July 3rd. I hope that all of you are enjoying your summer as well.
